 | Happy New Year plus a new poem by me and 2 other poems by others :)
Current mood:  contemplative
Category: Life "Here's wishing all creatures on this earth luck, love, and good health
in winter and in summer as we go into what most people like to call
2009. Of course, it is not possible for every being to live lucky and
healthy lives all at once, but we can be loving. There are choices we
can make, from moment to moment. We can join ourselves and others,
choose to see the ties that unite us, feed us, make our lives what they
actually are."
- Viggo Mortensen
I couldn't say it any better than that. Life feels both grand and tough going these days for me and many people but not as tough as for some. I feel very blessed by many people, events and things. I have been struggling with the aftermath of a conflict with a person I love very much. I don't blame myself or this person for anything nor do I see them or me as negative or any feelings between us as negative. They may or may not share the same perspective. As a result of this conflict, and in the end a blessing for both of us, is the death of a few possible dreams of mine, not necessarilly of them. I am sad about the death of these dreams. Perhaps they are or maybe not. Perhaps they are dancing for joy. Perhaps they even hate me. None of that matters. None of these things is wrong. Nor right really. Neither of us are bad people. We may or may not even be good people. I miss them. This person showed me so many parts of myself that I was blocking and had denied even trying to escape from. As a result of knowing this person, I have begun to do some in depth personal and spiritual work over the last two months, including intense study of Kabbalah and other aspects of Judaism. I have a long way to go but already have seen many positive changes in myself and in how others respond to me. I know now that this person and I will not marry or be together in a romantic way. That is one of the dreams that died at 1:39am Jan 1, 2009. I don't regret addressing certain things I had avoided talking about with them for the last month. I thought long and hard about how to approach them. Perhaps there were other ways and other words I could have chosen, I don't know. Perhaps there were other words and actions this other person could have chosen. I believe as hard and sad as it things between us are right now, what happened was a gift and hopefully frees both of us and is what will ultimately allow both of us to reveal the most Light and share ruthlessly and ridiculously with the world.
Perhaps even the possibility of future friendship was ruined. For my part, No. Even though my romantic feelings are dying, the core Love and bond is still there. I am not sure when or if this person and I will see each other or speak to each other again. I am sorry for hurting them and I forgive them for hurting me. Still trust, perhaps for both of us has been broken. I am no longer angry with him. I hope one day he will no longer be angry with me. And maybe one day when he looks over the times we shared and the conversations we had, he will see that although there were mistakes and misunderstandings, for the most part and even because of those mistakes and misunderstandings what we shared was beautiful, positive, loving and of the Light. I sincerely hope he finds what he is looking for and that God looks after him and protects him. He is a great soul and has the potential to reveal and share so much Light. We all reveal Light. And like I've always said, separation is an illusion, ultimately we are all, all of us, ONE. Good bye B for now. I love you as a friend, go with God and if I don't see you again this go around, perhaps we'll see each other again on the next one.
And now a new-ish poem (from beginning of Dec, 2008) followed by poems by two other poets. Percival Press and Viggo Mortensen are great at finding poems, poets and quotes. :)
The Opponent Has Hidden Our Ark of the Covenant Again
Because your room is cold and we don't hold each other anymore, you
embrace me with your Marc Ecko cut and sew hoodie. I'm Marion, you're
Indy. We are made of Legosä. We play games on tv, lying on your broken
bed, feet entwined, we giggle, press buttons as I hit you with a shovel
and you encircle my waist with your whip, pull me in for a virtual
kiss.
Later when we talk, you refuse to hold my hand, pace around the
periphery, jangle loose change, wont' look at me. At home I spritz your
creamy jacket with perfume and rose water, sleep inside its hollows,
wear it, you, everywhere so when I return it, you won't forget my
smell.
We both know you're a liar, you still love me. We're just afraid to
open the Xbox.
Annette Sugden ver. 1.5/December,2008
Walkers with the Dawn
Being walkers with the dawn and morning,
Walkers with the sun and morning,
We are not afraid of night,
Nor days of gloom,
Nor darkness--
Being walkers with the sun and morning.
—Langston Hughes
A Few Words On The Soul
We have a soul at times.
No one's got it non-stop,
for keeps.
Day after day,
year after year
may pass without it.
Sometimes
it will settle for awhile
only in childhood's fears and raptures.
Sometimes only in astonishment
that we are old.
It rarely lends a hand
in uphill tasks,
like moving furniture,
or lifting luggage,
or going miles in shoes that pinch.
It usually steps out
whenever meat needs chopping
or forms have to be filled.
For every thousand conversations
it participates in one,
if even that,
since it prefers silence.
Just when our body goes from ache to pain,
it slips off-duty.
It's picky:
it doesn't like seeing us in crowds,
our hustling for a dubious advantage
and creaky machinations make it sick.
Joy and sorrow
aren't two different feelings for it.
It attends us
only when the two are joined.
We can count on it
when we're sure of nothing
and curious about everything.
Among the material objects
it favors clocks with pendulums
and mirrors, which keep on working
even when no one is looking.
It won't say where it comes from
or when it's taking off again,
though it's clearly expecting such questions.
We need it
but apparently
it needs us
for some reason too.
—Wislawa Szymborska
(translated from the Polish by Stanislaw Baranczak and Clare Cavanagh)
We are obliged to respect, defend and maintain the common bonds of
union and fellowship that exist among all members of the human race.
—Cicero
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quizzical
